Humble beginnings

In 1999 I moved to Mount Vernon, WA which is about an hour north of Seattle. I had spent the last couple of years in a band called Static. We had brushes with success but I was feeling nudged to move in a different direction. I had recently come across this little church full of college aged people and a few of their parents called The Gathering. Despite the name (it wasn’t a cult...I think), it was scrappy, energetic, and I really liked the people I met there. One of those people was Micah Kelley. He was the worship leader, and we hit it off quickly. Soon, he’d come to see my band play and bring friends from the church. We’d hang out after the shows. New connections formed quickly and that nudge turned into something concrete. I called a band meeting to let them know I was leaving the band. They were shocked. We had recently had a major record deal fall through, and though we were a bit shellshocked, the band felt we could make a serious go at it. But something had shifted in me. I felt compelled to plug in at that scrappy church in Mount Vernon. I found myself wanting to do that more than be in my band. So, I followed the unction and moved.

A few months in, I found myself rather lonely. I didn’t lack for relationships and people to hang out with, but nevertheless this unshakable loneliness from the depths nagged at me day after day, week after week. I questioned whether I had made the right move. If this is where I was supposed to be, why was it not going so well? It’s in this time that I write the first song that would appear on Grace: Surrender.

The feeling of walking 
   around in circles is getting old  
Dead ends and detours 
   on the road of life they make me fall  
But I Surrender...

There were a handful of songs I wrote from this loneliness. I didn’t think of them as worship songs at the time because I wasn’t yet leading worship regularly. It was just an honest song that came from an honest moment.

Meanwhile, Micah was writing these great songs that we were singing at The Gathering on Sundays. They felt fresh and different to me, and the church was into it too. I played guitar with Micah on Sundays, it was a great place to learn. At some point I started leading. I’m not sure when I eventually tried Surrender on a Sunday, but all I know is that it was received well enough that people wanted to hear it again. I hadn’t set out to write any songs for this purpose, it just so happened that the honesty of Surrender connected with a deeper spiritual idea. I had written it as a personal prayer, but it turned out it was something more than just a personal prayer. I felt like I had discovered something. Maybe this was why I moved here?

Fast forward to the year 2000. I was enjoying being a part of this scrappy church and helping out with music. Rather abruptly, Micah had a falling out with the leadership and I became the main worship leader. This is not what I had wanted or imagined. What I had imagined was being in a band, making records, touring the world, and not much else. In my mind Mount Vernon was a two year thing, I’d be there for a bit and move on. But now I was a worship leader, and in my young, not yet fully formed brain, worship leaders were failed musicians. I had no training. I hadn’t gone to seminary. I really didn’t like most music that had the “christian” or “worship” label slapped on it. Yet somehow, here I was. I wondered is this why I moved here?

The one thing I did know was that if I was going to be a worship leader, I’d have to do it in a way that made sense to me. I had a growing adoration for hymns because the words were rich, even if the melodies were starchy. So, those were in. But what to do with all the leftover 90s worship songs that were still in rotation? I did the only thing I knew how to do, the thing I had seen Micah doing - I wrote new ones and sang them instead.

It wasn’t a grand vision. It was more out of necessity. I couldn’t bear singing Did You Feel The Mountains Tremble yet again for the five-millionth time, so the practical solution was simple: just write something new. And that began a songwriting practice that would define the next few years.

At that time we only had one service at 5pm on Sunday evenings. Starting mid-morning on a Sunday, I’d begin to assemble the songs for the service, trying to tie together a theme that would flow. When I found gaps, or a song I didn’t want to sing, that would be the cue to write. Need a song about the generosity and kindness of God our father? For your Goodness. Preaching out of the Psalms? Psalm 25. It was never overthought, because there was simply no time. Write it. Make a chord chart. Create the Powerpoint slides. Teach it to the band. Teach it to the congregation. It was fun. There were so many really talented musicians there that everybody just kinda hopped on board and made it feel easy. It was messy, but in a good way. There was a creative energy that would form us all in ways we couldn’t imagine at the time.

But that wasn’t the only way the songs came. During most of that time, I lived in a house with a bunch of other dudes from the church. We were an interesting bunch. It was the guys from my band Mindhead (Jeff Morrow, Jono Orange, and Seth Fikkert). We were really close, and Seth is who played the drums on Grace. Isaac Marion was there. He was the most creative of all of us. He’d written a novel by age 16. He did visual art. He invented his own musical instruments - a chromatic scale of wine glasses, an electric contraption he called the “Mototron” which had three strings, a fret board, and motor that turned a wheel with a guitar pic on it that he could engage over the strings. If you ever listen to Mindhead’s album How Not To Get There, you’ll hear the Mototron on a song called The Same Song and you’ll hear the wine glasses on Sitting in your Room. He went on to write the book Warm Bodies that was made into a film starring John Malkovich and Nicholas Hoult. (If you're into Zombie love stories, this'll be your jam.)

Others came and went. Micah lived there at first. He was a founding member of Mindhead back when it was called Quando (yes, there is a worse band name than Mindhead). Kevin Stout, a graphic designer and painter lived in the room next to me. We ended up working together at a design agency in Seattle many years later. There was Dale, John, and another Jeff we called “Sexy Jeff.” And there were a bunch of others who’d come and go. There was always something happening at our house. It was a creative crew. We made movies on VHF. Isaac wrote books. Dale started doing beat poetry at open mics and always stole the show. So many fun, interesting people.

A couple years went by and I sensed it was time for me to move out. I found myself living in the basement guest room of one of the few established families in the church, Tim & Carolann Tackles. Tim was one of the Pastors, and Carolann, a force of hospitality and good humor. They had generously offered me free rent to save up to buy a house. It was a beautiful house in a quiet neighborhood. I had the basement all to myself. I took advantage of the contemplative atmosphere, and often found myself sitting with my guitar and my bible open. A few meaningful songs came from this period: A Prayer for Faith and At The Foot of the Cross are two. Simple and heart-felt. Coldplay’s Parachutes had just released and gave me the extra nudge to realize I could lean into simple and heart-felt as a North Star, rather than import the campiness of 90s Christian/worship music.

Another year or two later I bought a small house in Burlington, WA with the help of my parents. Jono from Mindhead lived with me. I finally had my own place. One night sitting in my living room with my guitar reflecting on the bizarre picture the Apostle John painted in Revelation 5, I stumbled on this cool chord progression in drop D tuning and started writing:

What can I give unto you my lord?
For you are of infinite worth
The sum of my songs and the cry of my heart
The breath that descends to Earth

About 30 minutes later The Glory of God was fully written. I had no idea if it was good or not, just that it felt different like I had tapped into something deeper than normal. Within a year it would be a go-to at our church and an anthem at Mars Hill.

In all of it, there was a focus: my local church community. I had no idea at the time that the songs might have any resonance outside of that context.

Next week: Part 2 - Mars Hill. But, I've got something special you before then. Stay tuned.

Talk soon...

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P.s. Has Grace meant something special to you?

Would you want to share that with the rest of this community? I'm considering doing an entire email devoted to your stories about Grace. If you have something you'd like to share with this community (or privately) just reply to this email.

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The Story of Grace

Grace - An Introduction
Listen to Grace